What’s Your Reason?

I do it to push myself. I do it to get out of my own head, away from my incessant thoughts; they vary from school, to the future and the past, to questioning and often reminiscing on former [failed] relationships *dryly laughs*. I wonder about parallel universes, do they exist? I think so. Just imagine the endless possibilities of ways certain life choices could have played out. All the “what ifs,” “whys,” and “hows” would be answered… This may sound strange, especially coming from me, a girl that over-analyzes every past decision, current thought, and future idea…yet somehow, I love planning the future. I aspire to do great things, change lives, make a difference in the world. Even if it is a small and unnoticeable difference to the greatest of the great, I aim that it will inspire the strong and humble – those like me who are not great, but dare greatly.

That, is who I am.

I push myself to test my limits, my abilities, and my strengths. I set a distance, run it, then run a little farther. I take one more stroke in the chlorinated water before allowing myself to inhale the oxygen that my lungs and heart take advantage of everyday. I study just an extra hour or two in the morning or at night, pushing my sleep to the side in order to memorize and understand those last few terms and concepts.

Let me make myself clear:

I. Dare. Greatly.

I do not need a man to make my heart race. I can do that for myself, pushing myself faster and harder till I feel my muscles burn and see my heart beating out of my chest. I have learned that in order to love, or be loved, I need to love myself first. In a world as competitive as this one, I must watch out for myself. I have learned to endure, if not love the struggle and hardships, because from these experiences I recognize how wonderful the good days are, the great friends and incredible family that I have, and most importantly, this life I live.

So when all those thoughts come roaming through my head, the thoughts that drive me out of my mind crazy, I use them to my advantage. I race them, I challenge them. I will use them to my advantage, to make myself better, faster, stronger. I want to make people in my past watch me grow up and move on. I want to show people today that I am reliable, intelligent, and aggressive. Even in my future, I will show my future colleagues, potential dates, and employers, that I am who I say I am. And that when I set my mind to it, that I will accomplish it.

Why? Because I dare greatly.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.                                                                                                                   ~Theodore Roosevelt

You gain strength

~cheers~

2am. Just Breathe.

2 AM and she calls me ’cause I’m still awake,
“Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don’t love him. Winter just wasn’t my season”
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You’re all here for the very same reason

‘Cause you can’t jump the track, we’re like cars on a cable
And life’s like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe… just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

Well. It’s 2am. OK, 2:15 as I’m starting to write this, let’s see how long it takes. I realize I write my blogs at odd hours of the day/night, but this is not because I think to myself, “yes! what a great time to write a blog!” Oh no. I just work, at these hours…these very, odd, occasionally painful hours. (It’s now 2:16. *Sighs* Only 4 hours and 44 minutes to go).

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. It’s now 2:20am. 

Where did all my thoughts go? Come back brain – please function…

My mom and sister came to visit me this weekend! No Charlie this time around, the hotel wouldn’t let him stay, so Popsicle (my nickname for my dad) said he would take care of him. They came Thursday evening and will be departing for home around noon, maybe earlier today. As wonderful as it was to see them, I’m glad they’re leaving today… That sounds horrible, I know, but it’s just that my mom just brings this invisible stress factor when she comes and suddenly, I feel like everything I do is wrong or “not good enough” – what a phrase, eh? Ugh. I don’t know how to explain it. Maybe it’s all in my head. Yeah, probably is.

Ok, moving on.

I ran a 5k yesterday with my friend, Grant! It was COLD and early, but I’m so thankful he ran it with me and didn’t quit at the last minute…even though he did celebrate Passover the night before. For those of you that know how Passover is celebrated, you’d understand that he was quite the trooper to partake in an obstacle 5k at 7:30am. Oh yes, I forgot to mention it was an obstacle course, silly me. The race was called “Run Down the Demons” and it was a run to bring awareness about PTSD for currently serving soldiers and returning veterans. I was surprised by the turnout as well for this was the first time this event was hosted. “That’s nice Beth, but what were the obstacles?” The obstacles weren’t nearly as challenging as I had imagined they were going to be; however, mix them in with running up hills, down hills in general – 3.1 miles – it’s a lot. There were 2 mentally challenging questions (I believe 2? Grant thinks 3…), and 3 physically challenging obstacles. The mentally challenging obstacles were questions based on statistics/facts posted on boards throughout the race. Essentially, to get through these obstacles, you had to get the question correct, thus memorize the information as you went. (Ha! I’m just trying to remember how to breathe as I run much less remember every 10 signs they’re throwing at me between point A and point B.1…). The physically challenging obstacles were high crawling through sand, cold sand I will add (it hurt. like pins and needles)…25 jumping jacks and 10 pushups, a buddy carry (Grant carried me) and then lunges for about 30 yards? 25 no jump but jack (make sense?) with 30 flutter kicks and right before the finish line, 5 jump squats, a question, and a 60 yard sprint (that was the last obstacle). Mix all that in with 3.1 miles of running? Talk about a challenging race. Wow. *I am out of shape!* Don’t get me wrong, I’m strong, but my endurance/stamina could use some work.

Saying that… I unfortunately regret to say I will not be running the 1/2 marathon in May due to lack of time and preparation. If I did run it, I would only end up injuring myself and I’d prefer not to do that for obvious reasons. I apologize to the two wonderful donors who donated money to the cause. I hope that you are refunded if I cancel the GoFundMe event? If not, I will happily pay you back what you donated. The most I’ve run in a while was about 6 miles and that was a few weeks ago…So…unfortunately, I’ll have to pass on this race this time around. BUT! Hopefully next year I will be running it. Maybe even running the marathon? (Who am I kidding, THAT would be the craziest thing I’ve ever done.)

As I mentioned in my earlier blog, April’s challenge is 20-30 minutes of cardio daily, but after further review on how the 5k went, I will still do the 20-30 minute daily cardio, but 4 out of the 7 days, one of the workouts (or THE workout) will be cardio only. Running/walking, biking, swimming, elliptical-ling, stair-mastering – I have GOT to get my heart back in shape. Plus, my summer goal is to drop 10lbs. As my mom has been reminding me, fitness gets harder as you get older…and I don’t want to carry around anything extra I don’t need. It will only make life more difficult. So. From here on out, it’s clean eating, LOTS of cardio, and a little strength training to keep the muscles building/toned.

OH.MY.GOSH. If any of you watched the 2 Final Four Games, can I just say ON WISCONSIN! Wow. WHAT A GAME. Sorry I keep using bolded letters, but seriously – everyone thought Kentucky was supposed to win; after all, they were undefeated… But ye have little faith in my home state! I’m happy to say the Badgers won, they definitely deserved it. I hope they win it all.

And it’s 3:15am! (I’ve been blogging for an hour already?)

I can’t wait to go back to sleep. My roommate sent me this picture. I couldn’t help but laugh at how true it is:

*And very much applicable at any time of the day.*

*yawns*

knives animated GIF

Literally how I feel all the time. 

 Ok, let’s focus on the good things to which I have to look forward:

1. Only 3 weeks left of classes. That also means only 3 weeks left of the RPAC. Studying hard and making every workout count!

2. I’m done April 29th with everything and then I get to go home around May 8th. *initiate countdown until my 4 week summer stats class…*

3. SLEEP. ALWAYS.

4. Surprisingly looking forward to my cardio day tomorrow. I’m going to do a little bit of everything I think. Maybe a triathlon! Swim, bike, and run. GREAT IDEA! 

high five animated GIF 5. This is going to sound petty, but I can’t wait to look in the mirror and just be happy with what I see and be comfortable with how I look. I’ll be honest, I don’t like how I look in pictures – I’m not fishing for compliments by any means, but I know I could look better: cleaner, rested, lighter… It’ll be a process, but it’s going to be worth it in the end.

6. It’s a long ways a way, but I can’t wait for junior year. I’m looking forward to a new set of challenging classes, potential research opportunities, prepping for apartment living senior year, turning 21! So many things…

7. SUMMER! I can’t wait for the heat and working out with my trainer. By the way, if you watch American Ninja Warrior, he’s trying out! Soo be on the look out for a tall, incredibly strong man with the coolest dreadlocks from Senegal. He’s another one of my inspirations – he’s just an amazing individual.

I think that’s it for now. Hey look at the time! We’ve made it to 4:15am. 2 hours on this blog? Wowza.

Well, for those of you normal people that are asleep at 4:23am, I hope you dream wonderful dreams and have a pleasant Sunday. For those of you who celebrate Easter, happy Easter!!

“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.” -Albert Ellis

~cheers~