Why do you run?
I run to feel. I run to forget. I run for me.
I used to run to avoid my problems. I thought that being miles away from home or wherever I was would help me escape for the time being. For a while, a temporary while, it did help me do so; however, I dreaded coming back because I knew “it” still existed, “it” being whatever issue I currently did not want to face… I have realized that this will only cause more harm than good, therefore I no longer run to getaway or even think about my problems.
I do the opposite – I run to liberate myself from myself.
Strange idea, right?
I run for air and for the sense of freedom. I run to create distance and feel pain. I run to feel every muscle fiber in my body working, every joint compressing, my heart trying to regulate to a comfortable beat.
I run because I know I can push myself harder, faster, longer – a few more minutes, maybe a few more miles, or until the thoughts in my head have cleared or the anger, frustration, and emptiness wears off.
I run to feel.
Feel free from the chains of my unwanted memories and mistakes and occasionally unruly emotions. I know I’m successful if I feel or am fearless, breathless, even uncomfortable at the end of my run because that way I know I’ve broken out of my comfort zone.
When I run, everything goes away, at least for the time being. I put in my headphones and silence the rest of the world. It becomes mine: my motivating music, pounding heartbeat, and the glorious aching of legs. One more stride, one more minute, one more mile…
One more bridge: to build, to cross, or to burn.
It’s never easy to face the past, and maybe that’s why so many of us say we want to forget it. To be honest, I can’t entirely say I want to forget my past, but there are moments that I would love to permanently erase…then again, not so much because I’ve felt, experienced, and learned from these lessons. Good and bad alike – they have made me who I am: reserved, empathetic, and strong.
So to myself, I say don’t look back. Why? Because I cannot and will never be able to change the past. Looking over my shoulder will do nothing for me but cause me to over think, over analyze, and ultimately drive myself insane…as if I’m not to that point already. What’s done is done – it will never be the same whether for the best or the worst, that is how it is and will remain.
& let go.