It hit me today, about an hour ago. And it hit hard. For whatever reason, I get these saddening spells that I call my “dark periods.” It’s not related to anything in particular: no awful memory, no daily happening, bodily function, friendship struggle, school pains… It strikes out of nowhere and just makes me, well, sad. Crazy, awkward, sad. I just want to sleep and cry, and the worst part is is that it’s for no particular reason at all. None! They can last as long as a few days, to a few weeks…the longest it’s ever lasted was a month. They’re sporadic, coming and going whenever they please, making my head spin without even trying, bringing tears to eyes without much of a rebellion.
For once, smiling takes too much effort…
And there’s really nothing I can do. I’m not diagnosed with anything, thus no medication to help balance whatever it is that’s imbalanced neurologically. Maybe I am actually crazy.
Even Henry, who can bring a smile to my face any day of the week, couldn’t even make me happy today… I mean, he always makes me happy. His presence, his cologne, his hugs…
I guess I’ve just come to the realization that I have to reign in my emotions/everything a little bit. I started to develop feelings for him but deep down inside I know he’ll never see me like that. “Oh you unrequited love! How you bleed the affection out of me…”
For some reason too, the song “Somewhere” (There’s a Place for Us) from West Side Story is stuck in my head – such a beautiful song, but again, another one that brings those salty rioters out and well up from the depths of the blue seas.
There’s a place for us,
Somewhere a place for us.
Peace and quiet and open air
Wait for us
There’s a time for us,
Some day a time for us,
Time together with time spare,
Time to learn, time to care,
Yikes. I’m such a hopeless romantic. I can’t wait to live with my 37 cats.
Ok. Yep. Anddd now I’m going to try and accomplish my homework. Sorry for yet another boring blog. But hey, tomorrow is February 1st! You know what that means? No sweets. -.- Oh boy. Hooray.
Have a good night world.