But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
~2 Corinthians 12:9-10
This is by far one of my favorite Bible verses, one I turn to in times of struggle and in times of hope. Recently, I’ve been struggling with being alone. Or maybe being lonely. There is a big difference between the two.
Let me explain.
Being alone is having privacy, enjoying time by yourself. Not necessarily seclusion, just being with your own thoughts. On the other hand…
Being lonely is the idea that you can be around others, yet still feel alone. You still feel like you don’t matter, you don’t belong, you’re “not good enough” or worthy of love and affection. Your desperation to find a significant other takes a hold of your heart and every night when you crawl into bed, all curled up against the wall under blankets that muffle the tears that refuse to be controlled, or the hiccuped sobs that interrupt the calming background noise of the cooling fan. Reverting to old memories of flames that are now extinguished, but often spark just to tease the mind and bruise the heart.
And so I ramble.
The point is:
If you have to ask yourself, “should I go on a dating fast?” The answer is a confident yes.
What is a dating fast? A dating fast is the idea of self-restraint: declining dates, abstaining from flirting, hand holding, and “impure” thoughts. The purpose of the fast is to help the individual focus on herself in addition to her relationship with Christ. After all, He is the one and only person you need to depend on.
I decided that for my Lenten promise, I would go on a dating fast. Let me say one thing: It. Is. HARD. Wow, I never expected it to be this challenging; however, I know that it is for the best.
After being in some crummy “potential” relationships, reminiscing way to much on the past, and recently just struggling with feeling lonely yet wanting to be alone (weird thought, I know…), I decided this is what I needed to do. I need to reconnect with God. His flame is the one I need to reignite, the bond between parent and child is stronger than any other. He is the one I need at this time. Instead of searching for answers, I am searching for guidance. Instead of desperation, I will find silence. But it is here in this silence, this challenging fast that I will find God and He me, and I will once again find the path that I am destined to follow. I was distracted and strayed far into the darkness, but now I have opened my eyes and have come to see the light.
Depending on how this challenge goes (40 days is a long, long, time) I may extend it. It is not an absolute thing, but it is something in which I need to partake. I am empty on the inside. Only God can fill this emptiness, the loneliness from which my heart aches, and dry the tears which will no longer fall for someone who was simply not meant to be. I trust in God’s plan. After all, His timing is perfect.
This may be a long road, but in the end, I am hoping to discover peace and happiness.