I’m like Taylor Swift in a way. If you mess with me or break my heart, I will blog about you…
Recently, I had to end a rather manipulative/semi-verbally abusive relationship. I discussed in a previous blog the power of words: their ability to create and destroy. Well, these words, his words, were destructive, condemning, contemptuous, and simply upsetting. I played off red flags like a naive little child. I should know better by know: “Just because he wears a cross around his neck, or this time, a flag behind his back, does not mean he is a good person.”
Don’t be blinded by love.
He didn’t care about me the way I thought he did. Reading between the lines he thought of me as needy, melodramatic, uptight…The list goes on. All I wanted was a conversation, not these brief, meaningless responses. I knew he didn’t care about me or my feelings – he wanted one thing. To prove it, my friend and I put him to the test. Guess what? Instead of “disappearing” at 8:00pm, he stayed with the conversation until 1:30am. He was quick to respond to, wanting more.
Ladies [and gents], if it seems to good to be true, then it probably is.
All I wanted was him to genuinely care, some assurance that he was thinking of me…that he hasn’t forgotten. When I told him this, he became all defensive saying, “If I asked you to go into the store to get a pack of gum, you’d think “Oh my gosh, he thinks I have bad breath.” We don’t talk enough, you think it’s too early… blah blah blah. I hate it.”
All I could say was “wow.”
So I pulled the plug. I will NOT tolerate disrespect.
He’s a narcissist: a more polite term for a self-deceiving, manipulative, evil a-hole with no soul.
I will not have any of that.
Instead of kindly explaining his situation, or be comforting on some level, he became defensive and put the blame all on me for, I don’t know, making him upset? Expressing how I felt?
If I’ve learned anything over these years, it would definitely be strength. Mental and physical. While I admit I do have my emotional outbursts (in private of course) from time to time, I’m usually pretty good at staying in control. I thank my mother for this skill.
How to be Strong in 7 Steps:
1) Look in the mirror. Flex your muscles. Show you your game face.
2) Say: “I am Strong.”
3) Say it again.
4) Remind yourself that YOU are able to and will stand up and defend yourself, your family, your beliefs, etc. [in a respectful manner].
5) Do not fall under pressure. If someone cheated/manipulated/etc, “I’m sorry” does not cut it. Sadly, you cannot change people.
6) Say: “I deserve better than this.” And don’t look back.
7) Say: “I am Strong.”
It is not easy.
It will take time.
But you are STRONG.
Stronger than you think.
One more piece of negativity cut out from my life, and let me tell you: it feels pretty stinking GREAT.
Good things are to come. This was just another (somewhat painful) learning experience, a test that [I believe] I passed. 2015 will be a year of challenges, that’s for certain.
Here’s to a step in the right direction. #findingthehappylife