1Road2Ri0

This Road to Rio is not going to be easy, but it definitely is going to be one worth the challenge. My friend Iz and I had our first rowing workout. Neither of us really had any idea as to what we were doing, but hey, we were there and we were making an effort. I must say I’m extremely stoked to go tomorrow – I finally have a workout partner! Now we both can keep each other motivated and accountable on this challenging but very exciting journey.

Let the games begin: As well as the sports parks and venues, the Rio de Janeiro Olympic park will also feature a 12,000 capacity waterfront lawn where sports fans can watch the games on big screens

look at how beautiful that is ❤

*sighs*…is it sad that after maybe 20 minutes (not even, maybe 15?) I already have some calluses/blisters? Well. I do.

Or the fact that we’re not even on the team yet but we are dead serious about training? Actually that’s not sad.

That’s just dedication.

As the month of January ends, that also means the beginning of my new monthly challenge! For the month of February I pledged to abstain from sugary foods/bad eating (I believe? I can’t remember.) ANYWAY. I’ve actually been eating pretty well this year; however, I do love chocolate, so this will be a good challenge for me.

Ok, additional personal blurb. So… I struggle with my weight, as most girls (and some guys, do. I don’t want to be exclusive.) For those that don’t face this insecurity or fear, I’m proud of you – you are awesome so stay that way. There are two big factors involved in rowing as far as physique go:

1) Height. Unfortunately can’t change that. I’m stuck at my solid 63’in. AKA 5’3. Sometimes 5’4 on a good day.

and of course….

2) Weight.

I haven’t done as much research as Iz on this, or rowing in general for that matter; however, for the various categories, the weight of a rower changes. Especially for a coxswain, or the teammate that sits at the end of the boat and shouts commands at the rest of the crew, there is a significant discrepancy between the two.

Coxswains clock in between 110 and 120 pounds at the heaviest. Now, I’m not saying I’ll ever be 110 pounds, and even 120 is cutting it a bit close; however, it’s a pretty good motivator, at least for me. *If you can’t tell, I’m one of those girls that unfortunately, weight is a big insecurity for me. That’s another [long] story for another day. Maybe.*

With this weight constriction/requirement, it’s really going to force me to eat HEALTHIER, a lot, and I mean A LOT healthier, and of course TRAIN a lot harder. Don’t get me wrong, I love working out, but this steps it up a notch. Starting February I’ll be adding either a morning run as well as my evening row/weight session with Iz. I’m not sure if she’ll be up for the double workout, but if that’s what the Road to Rio calls for, then I’m all in.

I know this is a short blog, and I do apologize for my lack of depth, interesting topic, etc. I will work on this. At least I’ll try.

Let’s see, before I go I’ve got a few updates:

1) I’m playing my guitar nearly everyday and doing pretty well at it…

2) I have a HUGE anatomy exam next week that I’m very, very, VERY, nervous for. Written is on Wednesday and the Practical is on Thursday.

3) Missing my family, my friends, and my guardian angel…

4) I signed up for my 2nd Half Marathon! I’ll be running it with my Pops in June (back at home). Training starts in April, but I’ll run in the meantime.

5) Skyped with my best friend yesterday…miss that crazy girl.

6) 30 more days until Spring Break not including weekends (or tomorrow).  I’m staying in Cbus during break – mostly working. Although my mom may be coming to visit me! TBA.

7) Obsessed with this song…but I can’t listen to it in front of anyone because I cry every time I hear it or sing along to it. Yes, there’s a special meaning/memory I have tied to it, and yes, it will be explained at a later day, just not today. Please listen to it if you get the chance, it’s a beautiful song and means the world to me: http://youtu.be/sDC97j6lfyc (this one is a good version too..: http://youtu.be/bLhUS_QjcZY)

I think that’s all for now. If I think of anything else I’ll make another post or something. Anyway.

Love to all. Hope everyone is doing well 🙂

~cheers~

Desert Heat

It has been quite an uneventful day to say the least. Accomplished no homework, left my room maybe three times all day…Played a little guitar, and demolished a few episodes of Orange is the New Black and a new show called The O.C with my friend Iz. Not to mention, #Rio2016. I might be joining the rowing team. Information to come, I’ll keep you posted.

*Side note: Henry is sitting next to me playing his guitar…sighs. Oh my gosh I CAN’T EVEN.*

Hooray for feeling a little better today, although my stomach is still turning in circles, at least they’re smaller circles. Sorta.

I’ll be honest with you all, there’s a lot on my mind, but I’m not even sure where to startFrom academics, to music, to personal issues…It’s all blending together into this massive cloud of nonsense.

It’s like I’m walking through a desert. Scorching heat, basking under the sun, but through it all slowly dehydrating and going mentally insane. Not even sure if I’ve made it half way or if I’ve just walked in a circle, but I see an oasis. It’s beautiful. It’s got a palm tree, fresh springs, a chair with a “rest easy” sign. But then by the time I get to what I think is there ends up being a cactus with a blooming flower and a couple of lizards laying on nearby stones enjoying the UV rays. Obviously it’s not what I expected, but somehow it stands as a sign of beauty, of hope, of something. Something.

Where am I going with this? I guess I’m just trying to say that even though there is so much going on, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. No matter how dark it may seem right now, sometimes all you can do is hold on to that little ray of hope.

light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnelFriends, here’s to holding on to whatever it may be that’s keeping you going.

~cheers~

I Almost Met Urban Meyer. Almost.

Happy Friday everyone! Well at least what’s left of it. We made it – finally the weekend, eh? I couldn’t be more thankful for that fact, except being sick really ruins everything…

I’m not one to get sick, ever. I eat healthy, exercise regularly, sleep…sorta. In essence I do take care of myself. The other day, however, my lab partner in my anatomy class came in feeling ill, telling me she had been sick for the past couple of weeks. Are you kidding me.

So. Unfortunately.

Here I am. At my job. On the floor curled in the tightest fetal position. *yuck*

I think I’m sick. But not just from her, I also have to attribute my sickness from almost meeting Urban Meyer. So close, but yet, so far…additionally, I couldn’t see anything except the backs of peoples’ heads anyway so, oh well.

Let me explain.

From my almost encounter with Coach Meyer, I learned three very important things:

1) I would run the world for my friends – they mean a lot to me… however…in certain circumstances, I really do have to think twice.

2) I can’t do crowds. Don’t get me wrong, I can push and shove if need be, but the limited breathing room, sweaty bodies and overheating, and people getting a little too close to me just about everywhere: yeah. THAT’S ENOUGH. 

3) When the bass is low…I’m out. It hurts my heart, my brain, my whole body. Ouch. I feel like crying, but that would take way too much energy. *Click click click…typing this a few keys at a time*

Someone save me.

It was supposed to start at 5:30pm. I left around 6:00pm; the noise and people were too much. I felt bad leaving my friends, but I felt the color from my face draining. I sat outside, the cold air embracing me – oh how it felt so nice! I walked back to my dorm alone. Fearful I would either need to sit on the sidewalk or pass out walking through the doors, I thankfully made it.

I did however pass out in my room. My stomach angrily churning, head spinning, and suddenly back on fire, I curled up in my bed, and slept. Agonizing, yet so needed; but of course, alarm clock rings and I’m back to work. 9-12am. Usually not too bad, but today: it felt like a century. I have to work again from 5-7am; thankfully, another one of my coworkers took my 2-5am.

Anyway, why am I writing this? Well, 2 reasons:

1) To get my mind off of everything I’m feeling

and

2) To express my semi-frustration at almost meeting Urban Meyer…

One of these days, Coach! One of these days…

(me right about now…)

AH-choo…*sniffs*

(~cheers)

All the little things.

A few nights ago I witnessed the most beautiful sight. I meant to post this yesterday (actually a few nights ago), but my dear friend and I had a tiny jam session which totally rocked…so got a little distracted – apologies, please forgive me.

Moving on.

This is nothing more than a brief story – a recalling of this pure moment, which for me lasted only a mere few seconds as I passed them by, but for them…well, they were infinite.

.    .    .

It was a wicked cold night; the temperature must have been low 20s, maybe even in the teens. My friends and I heard our lovely pond that is commonly known as Mirror Lake was frozen over and people were skating on it! So like the curious people we are, we ventured the 20 feet it takes to get us there and sure enough there were people actually standing (and skating) on Mirror Lake. At first we made fun of them, thinking “how silly, have their parents taught them nothing about ice and hypothermia and the dangers of falling in?” Ha…well, sorry mom. We ended up daring each other to step on the ice, and after a few minutes of banter, [and like the courageous and somewhat fearless women we are,] we bravely took a step on the ice. Least to say, it wasn’t going anywhere. We all “skated” around for a good 15-20 minutes.

Following our little endeavor, we walked past our ampitheatre back to our dorm.

Welcome to the moment. While I can’t say this is my favorite spot on campus, it is definitely a great place to reflect, discover, and enjoy the show. During the day, this little ampitheatre is nothing more than just another little humble and often forgotten place on campus. A place of masked beauty and well-kept secrets.

As my friends and I walked past, we noticed a couple making out smack in the center. It didn’t seem to mean much to them, but for the 3 second glimpse I got of this couple, it instantly sparked  a story for me.

I like writing about love. Falling in love, falling out of love. Broken hearts, healing scars – kisses, embraces…. Even though the love is not my own, I don’t care: love is love. And with that, I dedicate this post to the anonymous, and inspiring couple on the stage.

.    .    .

Secret romances are kept secret for a reason, but it’s ironic because there is no better place to share them with someone than the stage itself, where one can pretend to be someone else, hide under the mask of make-up, the costumes, even the character’s name. Disguising everything but the emotion, the passion, and the enchantment, all of which entertains the audience, but for our Romeo and Juliet, only intensifies the roaring soft romantic ballad. The twinkling lights surrounding the theatre acted as a subtle centering light that ever so sweetly highlighted their shadows, accentuating not only their physicality but the strength of the bond between them. Oh how he so ever gently held her! His bare hands cupping her rosy cheeks, lightly tugging a stray hair before wrapping it around her ear. She bit her bottom lip, trying to hide her delight in this small gesture. He smiled, then whispered something in her ear which appeared to be funny to her as moments later she threw her head back and laughed the most contagious laugh, bright and rather hearty for such a petite lady. Seemingly amused, he shook his head and chuckled quietly at the ground, then briefly looked up at the stars to catch his breath before looking back at the one who took his breath away. At last they once again locked eyes, and just stood there examining one another, with wonder and youthful admiration. It was simply perfect, like that out of a modern fairytale. He leaned in slowly while the anticipation and excitement grew on her face. As if on cue, she stood on the tips of her toes just in time to reach his lips. And at once, they became like statues: inevitably vulnerable to judgement, but instead stood there without a care in the world. Embraced by each other under the darkness of the sky, modestly illuminated by the shine of the stars: that was their moment. And in that moment, they were infinite. 

Roman amphitheater @ night

“All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances…” ~William Shakespeare

~cheers~

This Moment.

Right now, I am happy. Everything feels like it is in its place. I am keeping my brain busy with my studies, my music, and some other hobbies like learning French (thank you Youtube), sign language, and of course socializing with my friends.

These past couple nights were relatively restless for me. I was fighting off the urge to think of certain negativities that kept me wondering all these “what ifs” and “if only I had…” but alas, I am hoping that if I drain my energy enough with work, academics, and calloused guitar fingers (and of course my beautiful ivories) then I will be able to peacefully close my eyes and not have to wrestle with uncalled upon memories. The darkness and exhaustion would whisk me away to a more serene world, a world of dreams and endless possibilities.

Before I write anymore, I just want to inform you readers that I will most likely be posting again, a short blurb about another beautiful moment, one so awe-inspiring that my fingers are typing more hurriedly and my brain is doing its very best to hold all the details like that of a snowflake.

Oh my gosh. Henry just sat next to me. *faints* ❤ seriously though. He’s a gem. (OH MY GOSH!) Ok, deep breath. *INHALE, EXHALE.* 🙂

So this week was my first week back at school. Second year. Second semester. Half way done with college. WOW. But you know what? That fact doesn’t scare me as much anymore because I couldn’t be more excited to see what the future has in store.

I absolutely love my classes this semester. My favorite one though, is my Advanced Human Anatomy course. Why, you ask? Well.

1) I LOVE ANATOMY. Biggest anatomy nerd there is. Ok, maybe not, but actually. I LOVE ANATOMY, if you didn’t read it the first time around. I think it is the COOLEST thing in the world.

2) Don’t get me started on my Professor… ❤ HOT TAMALES. He’s a very good looking man. 😉

3) I love people. Cadavers? OMG get at me! They are some of the coolest people with the most interesting stories – they are soft-spoken people with so much to teach us. I have the utmost respect for these incredible individuals.

In high school, I had the most wonderful Anatomy and Physiology teacher. Not only was she my favorite teacher in the whole wide world, but she became a very close friend and extraordinary role-model for me. She was one of those individuals who turned any day into a great one, who knew exactly what to say and when to say it. She made you feel important. My simple words do not do her justice – she was heaven-sent. Truly an angel on earth. Since graduating high school in 2013, she has passed away but a year later on April 28th, 2014. I will dedicate a post to her later on this year as you will see. Her story is not to be shared with this post, but stand alone because it deserves its own spotlight….

But it was because of this teacher that for a while I considered becoming an Anatomy teacher. To this day I am still considering it. While it might not be the highest paying profession, it would be one that would provide utmost joy and happiness to me. However we will see what life has in store for me. What decisions I decide to make in this instant, in the near future, and in the years to come, I hope that I will continue my love of learning and always carry the positive and influential leader-like presence that she had for me as a student.

In this moment, I am so happy. I wish I could take a picture, but it would be a blank space. Henry is playing his guitar, quietly cursing at the wrong notes, but to me, it all just sounds so lovely… I feel like I’m being serenaded! My thoughts are being carried away with the music, and it is nothing but positive vibes and good feelings.

Right now, in this moment. I couldn’t be happier.

happiness

~cheers~

I am Strong.

I’m like Taylor Swift in a way. If you mess with me or break my heart, I will blog about you…

Recently, I had to end a rather manipulative/semi-verbally abusive relationship. I discussed in a previous blog the power of words: their ability to create and destroy. Well, these words, his words, were destructive, condemning, contemptuous, and simply upsetting. I played off red flags like a naive little child. I should know better by know: “Just because he wears a cross around his neck, or this time, a flag behind his back, does not mean he is a good person.” 

Don’t be blinded by love.

He didn’t care about me the way I thought he did. Reading between the lines he thought of me as needy, melodramatic, uptight…The list goes on. All I wanted was a conversation, not these brief, meaningless responses. I knew he didn’t care about me or my feelings – he wanted one thing. To prove it, my friend and I put him to the test. Guess what? Instead of “disappearing” at 8:00pm, he stayed with the conversation until 1:30am. He was quick to respond to, wanting more.

Ladies [and gents], if it seems to good to be true, then it probably is.

All I wanted was him to genuinely care, some assurance that he was thinking of me…that he hasn’t forgotten. When I told him this, he became all defensive saying, “If I asked you to go into the store to get a pack of gum, you’d think “Oh my gosh, he thinks I have bad breath.” We don’t talk enough, you think it’s too early… blah blah blah. I hate it.”

All I could say was “wow.”

So I pulled the plug. I will NOT tolerate disrespect.

He’s a narcissist: a more polite term for a self-deceiving, manipulative, evil a-hole with no soul.

 I will not have any of that.

Instead of kindly explaining his situation, or be comforting on some level, he became defensive and put the blame all on me for, I don’t know, making him upset? Expressing how I felt?

If I’ve learned anything over these years, it would definitely be strength. Mental and physical. While I admit I do have my emotional outbursts (in private of course) from time to time, I’m usually pretty good at staying in control. I thank my mother for this skill.

How to be Strong in 7 Steps:

1) Look in the mirror. Flex your muscles. Show you your game face.

2) Say: “I am Strong.”

3) Say it again.

4) Remind yourself that YOU are able to and will stand up and defend yourself, your family, your beliefs, etc. [in a respectful manner].

5) Do not fall under pressure. If someone cheated/manipulated/etc, “I’m sorry” does not cut it. Sadly, you cannot change people.

6) Say: “I deserve better than this.” And don’t look back.

7) Say: “I am Strong.”

It is not easy.

It will take time.

But you are STRONG.

Stronger than you think.

One more piece of negativity cut out from my life, and let me tell you: it feels pretty stinking GREAT.

Good things are to come. This was just another (somewhat painful) learning experience, a test that [I believe] I passed. 2015 will be a year of challenges, that’s for certain.

Stay strong. Make them wonder why you're still smiling.~cheers~

 Here’s to a step in the right direction. #findingthehappylife

 

Dear World

Henry is BOSS.

(From the man himself ❤ what a gem.)

Ok, let’s chat.

First things first:

1) I apologize for not blogging consistently, or with things of great interest. It has been quite a break to say the least.

2) Recently my younger sister had a little health scare, and while she is doing better, I’d greatly appreciate if you keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

Lastly.

3) It has been 10 wonderful days into the new year, and I can’t say I’ve kept strong to all my Resolutions. For example, 10,000 steps a day, has been challenging, but I’m doing my best. Not being as honest or hard on myself as I should be, but I’ve been working out everyday (with the exception of today – drove back to school…) so maybe that should count for something? I know, I said no excuses. Practice what you preach! Ok, ok. Another one of my resolutions was to be more positive this year. Well, let’s just say that it’s a good thing that every day brings a new chance to start over. Again, 10 days into it all, and I’ve already dragged so much “drama” into the New Year that, I just need to take a deep breath on it all. And because this blog keeps me honest and I need to get it off my mind, I’ll share it with all of you (and then whomever else happens to stumble across this blog.)

Situation A: I have a “friend” who I have known for a little more than a month now. He’s an enlisted Marine as well as a volunteer firefighter and paramedic. He’s complimentary and passionate about his firehouse and work there, but he is also very focused and, as a Marine, extremely tough. We’ve been talking almost everyday, although since December 27th, he has been away training and keeping in contact has been extremely challenging. Some days I won’t hear from him until 7-8 hours later, and even then they’re brief, 2-3 word replies. Not to mention, he is there until March 25th or so, and believes he will deployed shortly following. Before he left, he gave me his military I.D tags saying he wanted me to hold on to them. Honestly, it felt (a lot) too soon for him to be giving them to me as I know it’s typically referred to as a huge gesture, but I humbly accepted them not really knowing what to do.

Since he’s left for training, our conversations have been nothing but inconsistent, terse, and lacking… A couple days ago I snapped at him because I asked him if he were still coming home when he said he was planning to, except he was now coming home a month later. And most likely still going to be deployed – meaning I wouldn’t see him for, what, 3 years? A long time. At the same time, my younger sister had her health scare earlier that week so I was already on edge with that, and finding out that he was going to be gone longer than I expected, on-top of his short texts and my intuition that he may be losing interest in me only made the situation worse. I told him I was losing my mind, then explained that things were crazy in my family…followed by an “I’m sorry for snapping…” all to which he responded “no worries.” Another small argument ensued in which of course I apologized again and he said “Drop it. Don’t be sorry… Apologizing is a sign of weakness.”

We did not talk the next day. *I REALLY lost it after he said that.*

I guess you can say we’re talking again…but it’s frustrating, rocky…neither one of us deserves this. It’s just not a good situation, much less healthy relationship. Ugh.

I’m not really sure why I’m adding all this detail, but I don’t care. It feels good to write it down.

Situation 2: I have a dear friend who I am so blessed to know (even though I haven’t met him yet!), truly wonderful, words can’t describe. Gosh, I’m not even sure how long we’ve been talking, but it feels like I’ve known him for years. He knows things about me that some of my closest friends don’t even know, and he’s shared some of the most fascinating and riveting stories and interests about his life that have made me both feel both amazed as well as very sorrowful. We have engaging conversations about the most fantastic things from the stars, to dancing, to dancing under the stars… and the more serious things like the crazy cat people and our broadway musical with our hit song “Be Our Cat!” Still makes me giggle to this day.

crazy cat people*Me in 37 years. Because 37 cats*

He’s intelligent, compassionate as well as passionate about his career and life ahead of him. He is a dreamer, but with hard work, he makes his dreams come true. There’s more to this gentleman than meets the eye let me tell ya.

I hope he doesn’t get mad at me for sharing this, but a few days ago, he expressed his feelings for me. I will admit, I had a feeling about it, I just wasn’t sure when he was going to say something. But I’m glad he did, really.

He is a Dark Knight (yes, like Batman…he actually is Batman). Is he my Dark Knight? I’m not sure. Going back to resolutions, one of mine was taking risks, being open to new experiences (mostly not being so stubborn)… but I do want to break this pattern, my pattern, of fall for someone who in the long run is only out for 1 thing and will end up hurting me and consequently making me feel ashamed, useless, and disposable. Friends, habits are hard to break.

I know it may be worth the risk, what do I have to lose? Quite frankly, a lot. I don’t want to lose a good friend. I’ve never had a solid guy friend like him, but who knows maybe it will turn into something more? With time.

Besides, he uses the word unrequited too frequently…

For right now, I need to focus on getting my head on straight and my life together before I think about becoming romantically involved with someone. He has big plans, I have big plans…who knows what our future has in store?

Falling in love is a sophisticated dance, but if I do say so myself we’ve both tangoed pretty darn well so far. 

A dance possibly to be continued overtime. Who knows where it will take us?

Milky Way Arch above Lulworth Cove

Today, well yesterday, I drove back to school…and I must say, it’s quite a relief to be back. As much as I love my family, it comes to a point where enough is enough. My mom and I actually had quite a few wonderful car-ride conversations. I got to know more about her upbringing, friends, relationships with her siblings, what attracted her most to my hardworking and dedicated father, and the difference between my generation and hers. For example, she payed for everything she wanted/needed, living off only essentials, whereas I…well not so much. I live off essentials, but as they say, you always want a better life for your kid. So, my essentials could be modified so to speak.

The most important connection we made though is that WE are strong women. That we are alike: independent, hard working, dedicated, always love a good laugh, have a bit of a temper (not nearly as much as my mom, I’m much more patient…I just get extremely stubborn…blame pops), more street smart than book smart, always love a good laugh, love to travel and tell stories, beautiful, compassionate and passionate, able to close past chapters of life (I’m still working on that one…), and most importantly, are always, ALWAYS there to support one another.

Of course I’m not saying we’re perfect, by all means we’re both far from it. But my mom is my inspiration and role-model. Even though we get on each others nerves at times, she is my rock and my strength, and I can’t thank her enough for everything she’s given me.

So you know what: here’s to starting over. Here’s to new relationships, taking chances *when the time is right, loving sensibly, and learning to listen. Every day is a new beginning. I have to remind myself of that. The more I relive the past, the more I miss in the present: the good, the bad, and the ugly of it all. That’s life.

Thank you for listening.

Life Quotes 54

~cheers~